Where's the Head?

I have just been to my first rural Iowa wedding.  It was nothing like you're thinking.  There was no granny sitting in the corner with her shotgun.  The buffet was not all corn pudding, corn bread, and corn souffle.  Like any other wedding there was the happy bride and groom and attendants.  The guest gussied up in Sunday best and sparkles.  There was food and dancing.  But that seems to be where the similarities end.

 My third cousin was getting married.  I was privileged enough to be invited to the wedding.  The family had fingers crossed for months for no snow and no ice.  I think they must have forgotten to ask for an above freezing temperature.  Outside was a deep freeze but beautifully sunny.

It was a lovely ceremony with the bridesmaids in stunning black and pink.  The bride had a sparkly gown ending with a cascading train of white.  A long veil covered her face.  It is a well kept secret that brides wear veils not to cover their tears, but the cover the mascara tracks down their cheeks.

The ecstatic couple floated down the aisle after the "I dos."  I sprang to my feet only to be yanked down by my cousin.  "We can't leave yet.  The couple hasn't greeted us."

Greeted us?  I thought we congratulated them at the door.

Sure enough.  The bride had ditched her bouquet and the new Mr. and Mrs. were headed back down the carpeted aisle.  Pew by pew we filed out, hugging the new couple while they thanked us for coming.

Outside a gleaming stretch limo awaited the happy couple.  The guests stood shivering on the sidewalk armed with bubbles until everyone was properly thanked for coming.  Once the couple emerged a rainbow of bubbles assaulted them as they nonchalantly made their way to the getaway limo.

 The couple ducked in the limo not by themselves, but with the entire wedding party.  Minus the children.  This was foreign to me.  It occurred to me it was three o'clock in the afternoon and the reception was in a neighboring town at five o'clock.  What did we do for two hours?  What did the wedding party do for two hours?

My cousins patiently explained to me that the limo may take the party to various small bars (dives) on the way to the reception.  Well, what do we do?  If you knew my cousins you could have anticipated the next answer-go shopping!  I was whisked off on an impromptu shopping trip with a cousin and my 96 year old uncle.  He ain't stupid.  He came along for the nap!

The reception was full of food.  Meats and potatoes and salads.  There was pink punch to match the bridesmaids dresses.  I did not spy a wedding cake.  But five tiers of cupcakes left my mouth watering.  Each tier was a different flavor, white, chocolate, spice, and two others I didn't sample.

We anticipated the 96 year old uncle may want to leave before the carriage turned into a pumpkin. When asked he exclaimed, "No!  This is too exciting!"

And it was.

There was a photo booth hidden in the corner for amusing pictures.  There was a DJ who played a variety of music.  Guests of all ages lined danced, boogied, and did the YMCA. There were kids darting across the dance floor.  Everyone laughed and ate cupcakes.

I was startled when my female cousins jumped up searching wildly for their purses.  Once located they pulled out their wallets fat with one dollar bills.  They waved the bills like a flag on the Forth of July.  Didn't the bride have a bachelorette party?  Were they really going to...

Why, of course.  They were really going to pay to dance with the bride or groom.  What was I thinking?

The DJ announced it was time to throw the garter.  I love this part of the reception.  The groom shyly slides his hand up his new bride's leg and slowly slips off the garter.  Then I realized what the DJ really said-"It's time for the groom to remove the garter using no hands."

Sure enough the bride was seated front and center.  The groom knelt down and his head disappeared under the waves of white.  His hands were over his back in full view.  I began to wonder what was taking so long, when he emerged triumphantly with the garter secure in his teeth.

When the bride's turn came to throw the bouquet I was ready for anything.  But it was the usual-round up the single females and toss over the head.  The bouquet bounced off many hands before crashing to the floor.  It was snatched up by the bride's sister.  Her boyfriend happened to be sitting at our table.  All eyes swung to him.  He just leaned back and smiled.  Now we really like this boy, so there is pressure to keep him around.  Grandma may own a shotgun.

I arrived home from eight hours of celebrating totally exhausted.  I don't think I have been to a more interesting, fun wedding.  So, when my children get married, may I suggest a rural Iowa wedding?

*While sister, Makayla, may have caught the bouquet, she will not be the next to get married in my family.  Congratulations to my niece, Cayse!  She was proposed to on the top of a snow capped mountain.  Jay welcome to our wonderful, wacky family!